By Mark Weeks
‘We create stress for ourselves because you feel like you have to do it.
You have to.
I don’t feel like that anymore.’
~ Oprah Winfrey
(Come on, don’t be cynical, her millions of dollars may help, but they weren’t there when she first changed her mind-set.)
So what self-imposed stresses are you dumping on yourself at this moment in time?
And maybe more to the point, why put yourself through being a martyr?
You may not believe it for now, but you really can limit the negative stresses of life if you would only give yourself a flipping break and listen to the person who knows you best, YOU. And what’s more these changes can last.
Okay you might not be in the mood right now to agree, but lets ask a few probing questions and see how you respond inside… ready?
Why are you continuing to do what you’ve always done and expect different results to miraculously appear?
Why are you doing work you no longer enjoy but feel compelled to do it?
Why are you stuck in an unloving relationship that makes you feel like a second class citizen? Why are you putting up with the frosty silence, rejection after rejection and constant put downs? Are you waiting for a sudden glimpse of love to string you along for another week; for now and then it does it appear.
It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything, I’m just pleased you’re still reading, after all, the mirror says more than enough every time you dare to make eye contact with yourself.
Unfortunately you feel alone and even more unfortunate you are not ready to change a damn thing with your life. You will continue to tolerate, endure and hope life will improve eventually; that job you want, the pay rise and loving relationship will all turn up if you just endure the stress for a few more months, that’s all it will take… just a few more months!
You know you’re lying to yourself, and that’s fine if it helps, all it means is that you simply haven’t reached rock bottom, yet. You still feel you have to keep up the pretence of being happy, after all everyone else is right? The continuing barrage of ‘happy selfies and happy couples’ pics on social media prove it!
Let me just state the bloody obvious, you really are kidding yourself if you believe denying yourself happiness and enduring a poor quality of life is the key to future happiness. I am living proof that major life changes can work out for the best, though it represents the most painful of experiences you will have to face.
Personally I am a great believer in deferring instant gratification and enduring a little more hardship for a bigger return. But sometimes we simply have to face the truth, and that is, if after years of working at a job, relationship or certain skill you’re still undervalued, unappreciated and incompetent, then it’s time to call it a day!
The sad truth is…
you’ve conformed, you’re suffering from ‘have-to-itis’, there I’ve said it, someone had to tell you!
You feel you have to do this you have to do that and you have to endure years of unhappiness. And so the pattern continues; the stress builds and builds, the debts mount and mount, alcohol feels like a solution and becomes a crutch to lean on, though it eases the pain for another day of conformity. Yet the martyr in you remains justified and resilient.
I started writing this piece to lift your spirits and fill your day with my usual positive vibe, but as I type I seemed to have strayed from my earlier preparation as I feel the nagging pain of those still stuck in a life they feel compelled to live, one where tiptoeing safely to death seems to be the only viable option.
So what is the solution?
I think I hear you mutter under your breath. Well, my diagnosis at this moment in time is… there isn’t one for you. Sorry. But come on did you really I think I can help you find your own truth. Only you know YOU.
Let’s face it, you’ve yet to reach rock bottom and more frustratingly YOU probably enjoy the wanting of a new life far more than having one.
As strange as it may sound you seem to prefer the rush of endorphins – the internal drug cocktail – that is released when you want something, to the set which is released when you achieve something! Which I guess is understandable, as change is bloody scary and your little martyr voice urges you to persist!
Of course there is hope, there always is. But you have to be ready mentally and you have to want it more than anything else in life. And until that moment when you recognise the martyr in you is actually crying out for help, and wants nothing more than to hand over responsibility and ownership of your life back to YOU, things won’t change.
Now maybe you will continue your day as much as you did yesterday and the day before. But lets just say, that maybe together we have scratched a scar that has started itching. And that itch needs a itching, right? Well if that’s the case please reach out to my friend Joe Barnes, author, speaker and life coach, he is far more qualified than me to guide you away from the path of martyrdom and onto freedom. Either dip straight into his book, Escape The System, sign up to his newsletter or join him on FaceBook. Whatever you do please do something today, that’s the key, do it now! You will never know where one little itch can lead
remember always, you are not on this earth to be the torturer of your own mind, you are not here to merely exist, you have as much right as anyone else to be what you want to be.
You are Conqueror of your world. Now listen to your heart.
By Mark Weeks